The Ick List

Icks.

If you were in the dating world or deep into a relationship, you would have heard of this term. 

It stems from the idea that people are drawn toward specific values, beliefs, and traits of another person.

But at the same time, some of these values, beliefs, and traits send us running for the hills. 

Enter the ick factor.  

Whether it’s a quirky habit or an awkward gesture, the ick can appear from nowhere and ruin any happy romance or healthy relationship. 

But what exactly constitutes an ick, and how did it become so popular? Let’s dive in!

What is an Ick?

Gen Z-ers would know what icks are. 

However, for older individuals that don’t quite understand what an ick is: 

It’s a slang term commonly used to describe a sudden feeling of disgust, annoyance, or cringe at a person’s habits, attitudes, or beliefs. 

It tends to happen early in dating (usually on the first or second date) or in early-stage relationships.

Someone either does or says something that triggers this immediate ick reaction. It can strike unexpectedly and often highlights the little things that can turn people “off” their potential partner. 

Overall, it’s a pretty surface-level thing, and it is usually used to avoid discussing deeper issues about a person, situation, boyfriend, girlfriend, or relationship. 

How Did Ick Became Popular?

Of course, in this day and age, the term and use of "ick" gained popularity through social media platforms like TikTok and X.

It started when users began sharing their most cringe-worthy, gross, or deal-breaking moments in dating. There were both women's and men's icks, major and funniest icks, terrible dinner dates, and intimacy mash-ups. 

This trend quickly became a cultural phenomenon, as both men and women resonated with the idea that something can suddenly arise and derail a relationship. 

But its history goes back even further.

The term “getting the ick” was first dropped in an episode of Ally McBeal, the popular legal comedy starring Calista Flockhart. It was then repeated again in an early episode of Sex and The City. It’s now had a resurgence over recent years. 

Everyone from influencers to relationship coaches has embraced the concept of the icks, and not just because of the humor and relatability that comes from it.

But because it opens the door to discussing relationships on a deeper level, why romances can suddenly die off, and highlights the quirks of modern dating.

Now, let’s take a look at the ultimate list of icks! 

The Ultimate Ick List

Here’s a curated list of 25 common icks that might just make you cringe, broken down into various “moments”. 

The Obvious Stuff 

• Poor hygiene — This can include bad breath, nail-biting, and irregular showers. 
• Bad manners — Chewing with the mouth open, burping, being gross, and loud eating are all signs that can be off-putting. 
• Excessive talking about exes — The ultimate mood killer! Let the past be the past!
• Unkempt appearance — Looking and acting a slob ain’t helping you or anyone. A little self-care goes a long way. 
• Drunk on a date — Nothing is worse than acting a fool on a date while on the bottle! 

Crossing the Line

• PDA (Public Display of Affection) overload — There’s a fine line between cute and cringe.
• Gossiping about others — It looks bad to go hard behind people’s backs. 
• Not respecting personal space — Everyone has their comfort zone, so the worst thing to do is cross that line! 
• Being rude in public and to people — Treating people poorly says a lot about a person. Always treat everyone with respect.
• Petty arguments — Don’t let petty feuds cause issues early on. 

Being Ignorant

• Talking Too Loudly — Volume control is key in public places, so try not to make a scene.
• Talking about themselves too much — How can someone get to know their partner if they don’t engage with them? 
• Talking down to others — Everyone deserves patience, friendliness, and respect, regardless of status. 
• Talking about money —  It’s best to keep financial matters private, especially when it comes to boasting about your own.
• Constant negativity — Being a “Debbie downer” can really ruin any atmosphere.

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Focused Elsewhere

• Constant phone checking — This shows any date that you're not even present.
• Overly competitive attitude — There’s being a World Cup Winner, and there’s being an everyday person. 
• Overusing social media — Live life in front of you, not on the screen. It can be a turn-off if it dominates your life.
• Obsessive sports fandom — Passion for a sports team is great, but there is a limit. 
• Taking too many selfies — Confidence is cool, but moderation is key with self-reflection. 

Like, seriously?

• Overly flirty with others — A little jealousy can be healthy, but too much can be an ick.
• Too much emoji use — Saying words is sometimes more appropriate than an image. 
• Cliché pickup lines — Don’t set the bar low; aim for something original. 
• Offensive jokes — We all love humor, but some jokes just don’t land.
• Conspiracy theories — Sure, we love a theory or two…just don’t make it life-consuming. 

Why Do I Get The icks?

As stated above, getting an ick is usually a sign to cover something up. There is something more profound in the relationship or date that makes you want to reject the person. Uncovering that root cause is the first step to making that relationship work. 

There are some key reasons why people get the icks: 

• The icks are actually red or yellow flags and dealbreakers
• Unsure about the relationship and want to get out of it
• The relationship is growing apart
• It’s a sign that something about the person isn’t compatible
• Have an avoidant attachment style, with the key feature being you try to avoid bad relationships 

Now, that doesn’t mean if you get the icks, you can’t overcome them. 

How to Overcome the Icks

Getting the ick is the sign of something deeper. So the best thing to do is explore how you can overcome that ick and get the relationship back into a healthy flow.

Here are some steps to take: 

1) Communicate the ick to your partner or date to get them to understand. Their response will determine if you should continue in the relationship.

2) Give it time. If the ick isn’t that bad, you might get over it after a period of time. 

3) Look at the person as a whole. One ick doesn’t make them the wrong person; they might have many other outstanding qualities that work for them and your relationship. 

4) Understand the root cause of your ick. If you have or are dating someone with an avoidant attachment style, it might be time to heal it to begin exploring relationships more healthily. 

5) Reconsider your own expectations. If you set the bar too high, you’ll let everyone down. Take some time to think about what you consider a big enough ick to end a relationship. 

6) Consider your own needs. Self-care is crucial when you're experiencing challenges in your relationship, so make sure to give yourself time.

Summary

• The ick is a sudden feeling of disgust, annoyance, or cringe at a person’s habits, attitudes, or beliefs.
• Ick is really surface-level, covering up something deeper. 
• People get the icks because of relationship instability, avoidant attachment style, or dealbreakers.
• The term became popular through social media, especially TikTok and X.
• Common icks include poor hygiene, bad manners, being rude or offensive, or being irnogrant. 
• The ick phenomenon resonates with many, offering humor and relatability in dating discussions.
• You can overcome an ick through communication, self-reflection, and looking at the person as a whole

If you're stuck in a dating pattern of icks and breakups, it's time to change your approach. Find and consider our Conscious Dating: Thrive in Your Love Life program to get your dating game to end with love!

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