The Meaning of Clingy in a Relationship

The concept of clinginess often emerges as a point of contention in relationships. For some, it’s just a way of “being”; for others, it has negative connotations. 

What exactly does it mean to be clingy, and how does it affect our interactions with others?

Let’s delve deeper into this relationship phenomenon to understand its implications.

What is Clinginess?

A clingy partner constantly needs emotional or physical proximity from their partner.

They may excessively seek reassurance, always want communication and emotional support, demand constant attention, or display possessive behaviors.

Ultimately, they depend on their partner for almost everything, becoming heavily invested and attached to them. 

While there is nothing wrong with occasional affection displays (they are normal and healthy for most relationships), clinginess crosses into problematic territory when it becomes overwhelming or stifling to the partner. 

There are many reasons why clinginess can become a problem in relationships, so it’s important to recognize its origins before knowing how to stop it from becoming overwhelming. 

Where Does Clinginess Come From?

Clinginess often stems from underlying insecurities or fears that originate from childhood or previous traumas which develop into unhealthy coping mechanisms. 

These coping mechanisms manifest from: 

• A deep-seated need for validation
• Fear of abandonment
• Fear of losing control 
• A lack of self-confidence
• Past experiences of rejection or neglect
• Low self-esteem and confidence 
• Enmeshment trauma

Understanding the roots of clinginess involves exploring attachment theory and how it can result in people developing this clingy behavior. 

Clinginess & Attachment Styles

Attachment theory is the belief that our early experiences with caregivers shape our attachment styles—secure, anxious preoccupied, dismissive or fearful avoidant—which influence how we approach relationships later in life.

People with unhealthy, unloving, and unstable childhoods tend to develop insecure attachment styles (anxious preoccupied, dismissive, or fearful-avoidant), which affect how they connect with others in adulthood and how they respond to trauma or setbacks. 

Clinginess is a coping mechanism rooted in fear and abandonment—the key foundational brick in the anxious preoccupied attachment style.

If a child was dismissed, neglected, or shamed in childhood, they develop this response to try and remain connected to someone because they fear being abandoned. 

To feel safe and secure in relationships, individuals with anxious preoccupied attachment styles are more prone to exhibit clingy behaviors due to their heightened need for closeness and reassurance. They may also lead them to codependent relationships where they’re willing to put themselves second in the relationship. 

That’s why dating an anxious person can be obvious, as they display most of the common signs of clinginess. Let’s take a look at those common signs now. 

Signs of Clinginess in a Relationship

Whether you’re dating or in a romantic relationship with an anxious preoccupied person, it’s essential to recognize clinginess to help overcome it and maintain healthy relationship dynamics. 

Here are 12 common signs of clingy behavior to watch out for:

Constant need for contact or communication: The clingy boyfriend or girlfriend always wants to be in touch, bombarding their partners with messages or calls throughout the day, either through calls, texts, or social media.  

Jealousy and possessiveness: These individuals feel threatened by others who may compete for their partner's attention and act maliciously. Intense jealousy is common for these individuals. 

Monitoring or questioning activities: Clingy partners tend to ask their partners detailed questions about their whereabouts, who their partner is with, and what they’re been doing.

Demanding excessive reassurance: A constant need for validation or a desire to be told “I love you” is common for clingy partners. 

Feeling anxious when apart: Partners with clingy behaviors tend to become anxious and restless when they’re not with their partners. They really struggle with long-distance relationships or situations. 

Lack of personal space or boundaries: Clingy people disregard personal boundaries or the need for time alone because they constantly feel anxious when they are away from their partner. 

Being overly dependent on their partner: Clingy people rely heavily on their partner for emotional support or decision-making. In many ways, they put themselves second in the relationship.

Becoming upset when plans change: They tend to react negatively or feel betrayed when plans don't go as expected. They know how things should go around or with their partner. 

Feeling suspicious of actions: Clingy partners, fearing betrayal, can become obsessed and curious or suspicious about their partner’s interactions with others.

Lose interest in everything else apart from their partner: Because they are solely focused on their partners, clingy partners start to forget about their own interests and lives. They give up hobbies and stop seeing other friends. 

Guilt-tripping or manipulation to get attention: Emotional manipulation to elicit more time or attention from their partner is a trait of clingy people. It's an unfortunate trait that lacks emotional stability. 

Expecting their partner to prioritize them over everything else: Clingy partners can become disappointed or neglected if their partner prioritizes other commitments. 

While clingy behavior can stem from a place of love and genuine affection, it often leads to strain and imbalance in relationships.

Over time, clinginess can create a dynamic where one partner feels smothered and the other feels overwhelmed by demands for attention or reassurance. It may erode trust, suffocate personal growth, lead to resentment and frustration, and diminish the health and happiness of the relationship.

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, trust, and the freedom to maintain individual identities.

That’s why it’s important to learn how to stop being clingy.

Watch this video below to get a detailed breakdown of why you're so needy in relationships:

How to Stop Being Clingy

If you recognize signs of clinginess in yourself, taking proactive steps to address it is important. Here are the best strategies to help you stop being clingy:

Uncover the root causes of your clinginess

How can you overcome your clingy habits if you don’t know what triggers them? Taking the time, whether through our personal development courses or therapy, to examine the origins of your fears will be pivotal in your next step. Once you know why it happens, you can know what to do next. 

Heal your anxious preoccupied attachment style

Reprogramming your subconscious beliefs can heal your anxious preoccupied attachment style. As you become more secure, you’ll learn to handle your clingy habits and responses. It will take time and effort, but it will help you view yourself and your relationships.

Do stuff yourself

Engage in activities and hobbies that fulfill you outside of your relationship. The more you do it, the more you’ll get comfortable doing stuff by yourself. It will help empower your independence and self-growth. 

Learn to set boundaries

This will be quite difficult for clingy partners, but it can be done. The more space you give your partner and yourself, the more you’ll get used to it. It will also help build trust and reliance on your partner while allowing you to “miss them.” 

Reaffirm confidence

Work on boosting your self-esteem and recognizing your own value independent of your relationship. If you learn to value yourself, then you can learn to be with yourself and enjoy your company. 

Communicate openly

Discuss your feelings and concerns with your partner in a calm and respectful manner. The more open you are about your feelings and fears, the more your partner will be willing to work with you. You don't need to bombard them with constant communication. 

Focus on what your partner does

Take a step back and examine what your partner does for you. Trust your partner's commitment to the relationship and recognize that space and independence are healthy aspects.

Summary

• A clingy partner constantly needs emotional or physical proximity from their partner. 
• They do it because they fear abandonment, betrayal, or lack of self-confidence.
• Clinginess originates from childhood experiences and traumatic events. 
• It is a key feature of individuals with an anxious preoccupied attachment style. 
• Signs of clinginess include constant need for contact, jealousy, guilt-tripping, need for validation, and being overly dependent on their partner. 
• People can overcome their clingy behaviors by uncovering its origins, healing their anxious attachment style, learning about healthy boundaries, and building confidence. 

If you need help overcoming your clingy behaviors or have problems with a clingy, anxious preoccupied partner, consider taking our Stop Abandonment & Rejection in A Relationship (Anxious Attachment Style Re-Programming) course. It offers the tools to move on from these habits and build a healthy relationship.

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