15 Signs of Bad Communication in a Relationship

Communication difficulties are common in relationships. Often, this is because an insecure attachment style has made communication issues the norm, leading to an unhealthy communication pattern.

But what is considered bad communication in a relationship? Isn't it different depending on the person's attachment style (yes, it is, but it's not entirely that).

So before we pinpoint the 10 signs of bad communication in a relationship, let's look at what is considered bad communication.

What is Bad Communication in a Relationship?

Bad communication is basically a disconnection breakdown of what someone says and what someone understands. There is a lack of mutual understanding between the two individuals, which can cause problems in any relationship.

Of course, communication is impacted by attachment styles. Some attachment styles consider communication key (Anxious preoccupied and securely attached), while others don't communicate their needs as freely (Dismissive and fearful).

The result is that it can damage the relationship. Here's how:

How Bad Communication Affects Relationships

A lack of healthy and consistent communication can cause bigger issues for many relationships.

Here are some of the ways that miscommunication can cause problems:

• Shutting down emotionally and physically (being disconnected)
• Developing a toxic attitude
• Building resentment towards the other partner
• Lack of relationship growth
• Creating a sense of insecurity

Then, there are the individual issues a person could experience:

• Depression due to not being able to communicate with their partner
• Low self-esteem due to rejection
• Increased loneliness
• Increased sadness and stress

But what causes bad communication in relationships?

What Causes Bad Communication?

Bad communication in relationships doesn't just happen. There is a reason behind why it's occurring. Here are some causes of bad communication:

• Not focused on the person when talking
• Harsh words and tones
• Unrealistic expectations
• Hiding feelings and emotions
• Different communication patterns
• Different attachment styles
• Not knowing their love language
• Keeping score
• Poor listening skills
• Lack of empathy

That's why it's important to detect the signs of bad communication so you can take action to fix it. If you can detect these signs, you can work on rebuilding bridges in the relationship.

What are the signs of ineffective communication in romantic relationships? Here are 15 of them.

15 Signs of Bad Communication In a Relationship

1) Your text messages are one-sided.

Open up your phone and look at your text message history. It’s common for one person to text more than the other—hey, some people are just better texters than others—but if one of you is always texting and the other one rarely or never answers (or sends short responses to long tests), your communication could be off.

There are exceptions to this, like people who prefer to talk on the phone and will simply pick up the phone and call when they receive a long text from their partner. But if one person is regularly trying to get in touch via text and can’t get much of a response, this could signify a communication issue.

2) You tend to keep big, important news to yourself.

Some people are more private than others (like dismissive avoidants), but if you tend to keep big news from your partner or tell them much later than you tell other people in your life, this could mean there’s a communication issue. It could also signify that you’re worried they won’t be supportive of you.

Whether it’s something going on with your family, a career decision you’ve been mulling over, or something happy like a promotion in secure relationships, people typically want to share the news with their partner.

3) One (or both) of you get defensive.

If you and your partner tend to get defensive regularly, that could be a sign of poor communication. While everyone gets defensive from time to time, if you consistently flare up over the smallest things that don’t warrant that type of reaction, it could be a sign that you’re not communicating well.

4) You’re passive-aggressive with each other.

Direct communication is incredibly important in a relationship. When partners communicate directly with one another, they can get their needs met more easily and have a smoother relationship overall.

Passive aggression, which typically involves indirect resistance and avoidance of direct confrontation, can be toxic to any relationship. If you are often passive-aggressive with your partner, this can be a sign of poor communication.

5) You give each other the silent treatment.

Also called “stonewalling,” giving someone the silent treatment can be either avoidant or manipulative behavior. Falling silent when there’s a conflict signifies bad communication, and it can also mean you stay in a conflict for longer than you need to.

On top of that, stonewalling can have physical consequences. A 2016 study that followed 156 couples found that when people were in the habit of giving each other the silent treatment, they were more likely to suffer from back pain, neck stiffness, and general muscle aches.

6) You mostly text instead of actually talking.

There’s a time and place for virtual communication, and in 2023, it’s hard to find a couple that doesn’t text regularly. But if you’re only texting and rarely talking in person or on the phone, this could signify that you’re having a hard time communicating with each other or struggling to communicate more intimately.

7) You use negative body language.

Communication isn’t just verbal. Body language is a major form of communication, too. If you and your partner are constantly turning away from each other or crossing your arms, this could indicate bad communication.

Additionally, if you’re not using loving body language, including hugs, kisses, or even smiling, this can indicate that you and your partner are struggling with communication issues.

8) You have cyclical arguments.

If you and your partner tend to have the same argument over and over again, and it never seems to get resolved, this could be a sign of poor communication in your relationship.

It’s common for the same issues to come up in a relationship repeatedly (family, money, and sex are all great examples). But having the same type of argument repeatedly and never reaching a conclusion could mean there’s a larger communication issue going on.

9) You shut down during arguments.

If one or both of you shut down during an argument—as in, you completely stop engaging with each other mid-fight—that could be a sign of poor communication in a relationship.

While taking a breather from fighting can be helpful if you both need to calm down, completely shutting down and removing yourself from the situation is unhealthy.

10) You criticize each other regularly.

If you and your partner regularly criticize each other, this is an unhealthy communication style. We’re all human, but nitpicking at every little thing can be incredibly destructive to the relationship.

11) Making assumptions

Assumptions can cause a lot of problems in a relationship. It reflects what you think of your partner, putting them into a box. It also limits how you can resolve issues. Instead of limiting each other’s development, you should be more open-minded about who your partner is.

12) Not recognizing one another’s input

Relationships really struggle when there is a lack of input from both sides. That's what makes relationships work: both parties have to work together, sharing their thoughts, feelings, and ideas. If you don't recognize each other's input, it can result in a partner feeling hurt, undervalued, and unwanted.

13) Not respecting people's space

Some partners need alone time to think and understand their feelings. It's important to give them that time. One bad form of communication is constantly overstepping boundaries and not letting a partner have time to think for themselves.

14) They offer unsolicited advice

We all love and respect our partner's opinion, but there is a line sometimes when it becomes unsolicited advice. That's inputs or suggestions from others you have not requested. Essentially, this can cause a riff because it's like you're being told what to do.

15) Agreeing to Appease

While it might seem wise to agree to a partner to end an argument, it merely pushes back the fight to a later date. It also builds resentment because one partner is not being respected or listened to.

Why is Communication Important in a Relationship?

Healthy, transparent, and honest communication is vital in relationships. It helps create a space for both partners to safely share their thoughts and feelings, express their needs (both personal and in the relationship), and set healthy boundaries for themselves. This is more impactful for those in long-distance relationships.

Most significantly, it allows partners to work through conflict and issues. One of the key reasons that issues blow up is that both parties don't understand how to communicate. Building up strong communication methods helps couples resolve conflict more easily and with less strain in the relationship.

Finally, communication makes couples feel more emotionally connected and intimate and helps build confidence that the relationship is progressing healthily.

How to Become Better at Communication

It can be difficult to become better at communication because everyone reacts differently to various communication patterns.

If you need more professional help, search for our Master Healthy Communication program. It provides you with the full scope and help you become an incredible communicator, empowering you to resolve conflicts, repair relationships, and clearly establish your needs.

If you and your partner have some or all of the signs of poor communication in your relationship, search for our Expressing your Needs: Scripts for Effective Communication course.

Share this Article