What is an ENM Relationship?

In recent years, non-traditional forms of relationships have gained visibility and acceptance. One of them is Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM).

However, it’s more than just an “open-relationship”.

This guide takes a deep look into what constitutes an ENM relationship,the different types, the rules involved, and practical tips for navigating this relationship.

What is an ENM Relationship?

ENM stands for “Ethical Non-Monogamy”.

It refers to a relationship where both partners consensually engage in multiple romantic or sexual relationships simultaneously, but they do it with honesty, openness, and respect.

There is an acknowledgment that both individuals can have meaningful connections with more than one person at a time.

It is the complete opposite of traditional monogamous relationships, where there is paramount exclusivity between the partners; there is no engagement with others sexually or emotionally.

ENM people prioritize multiple relationships with numerous partners which can include casual sex, various sexual identities, and emotional bandwidth. 

But is this adaptive non-monogamous relationship just a new period in Western society or something more significant?

We have some stats for you below.

Stats About ENM Relationships

Are ENM relationships more common than people expect or just a phase? Let’s take a look at these statistics:

• Bumble found that a third of single Australians “think ethical non-monogamy is the way of the future"
• A February 2023 YouGov poll found that 34% of Americans "describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy."
• 12% of 2,003 Canadian adults aged 18-94 said that being in some type of sexually open relationship would be their idea
• A recent study in the UK found that a third of heterosexual men and 11% of women were open to having outside partners

As you can see, a decent trend is developing in the general population worldwide that has ENM relationships.

Let’s now take a look at the different types of ENM relationships.

The Types of ENM Relationships

ENM relationships refer to a broader term where partners can have multiple partners simultaneously.

However, these types of relationship styles can be further broken down into each subset, with minor differences in relationship dynamics that separate each other.

Open Relationships: This is where partners are free and allowed to pursue sexual connections outside their primary committed relationship while maintaining emotional commitment. This can be applied to open dating and open marriage and is by mutual consent. 

Swinging: Couples engage in sexual activities with others, often in a recreational or social activity, without necessarily forming emotional attachments. It's common for couples to engage in swinging in an ENM community. 

Casual Dating: Casual dating may involve having one or more romantic or sexual partners without any relationships being too serious. It’s all about having fun and “dating” someone. It's similar to open relationships.

Polyamory: Polyamory refers to having multiple romantic relationships simultaneously, with the potential for emotional intimacy and long-term commitments with each of those people. However, there are many different types of polyamory with various relationship structures, including:

• Closed V (A relationship where one person dates two people, but those two people don't know each other. It makes the “V” shape in the relationship)
• Throuple (Three people being in a romantic and sexual relationship together. Also known as a Triad)
• Quad (Similar to a throuple, but four people instead of three)
• Kitchen table polyamory (A group of individuals connected through romantic and sexual relationships. They may not all be in a relationship with each other. Also known as a “polycule”)
• Solo polyamory (Where a person has a relationship but lives free on their own)
• Polygamy (Being married to more than one person at the same time)
• Polyfidelity (When all members are considered and in mutual agreement of being equal partners in romantic relationships)

Primary/Secondary: This is where both couples can enjoy sexual partners but remain emotionally committed to a sole partner in a monogamous dynamic. That’s who the primary partner is, while the secondary partner is the third party outside the central two-person relationship. 

Relationship Anarchy: Applies an “anarchy” approach to relationships. In this case, personal autonomy and freedom from societal norms allow individuals to define their relationships on their own terms without hierarchical structures. Relationships anarchists are concerned with complete freedom regarding relationships, sex, and needs. 

As you can see, there are many different types of of ENM relationships — and even though different, there are similarities — but why do people undertake these relationships?

Why People Choose ENM Relationships

There are many reasons why people choose ENM relationships:

• Fulfil their unmet needs through various relationships
• Explore their fantasies, one's sexual needs, and different genders 
• To share more love with others and more profound relationship satisfaction 
• Crave more emotional security and actual engagement with another person 
• Have autonomy and freedom to explore themselves
• To have opportunities to grow and embrace personal development
• To make the primary relationship work (like those in a long-distance relationship)
• There is no "set example" of a person that prefers to have an open relationship. It can be based on someone's previous relationships, attachment style, past experiences, or beliefs about relationships. 

However, for an ENM relationship to work, there have to be “rules” in place.

Watch this video to learn how to build a healthy relationship

The Rules of ENM Relationships

Even though ENM relationships are generally more “open” and counteract traditional martial relationships, many couples or groups place rules (or practices) to ensure they work.

Here are some of the most common rules for ENM relationships:

• Discuss what both partners want to gain from the experience, including desires, boundaries, and new connections
• Have open and honest communication and be transparent; inform partners about each relationship or act that occurs
• Recognize and establish the primary relationship goal and what is expected (such as not forming unhealthy "romantic attachments" with others)
• Use effective communication strategies to discuss emotions, needs, and concerns openly to avoid any relationship anxiety or stress
• Consent that all parties agree to this approach (even on the first date with someone new)
• Recognize self-awareness to understand personal desires, boundaries, and motivations
• Establish boundaries and limitations (such as safe sex practices, emotional investments, and time management) with both primary and secondary relationships
• Give everyone their privacy to explore these other relationships
• Discuss jealously and be open about each exploration (especially if the partner is the jealous type) 
• Still put in the time and effort into the primary and existing relationship to help it grow 

Rules will vary from person to couple. The most important thing is if you want to explore these types of relationship that communication is vital.

Engaging in other relationships sexually, romantically, or emotionally without the other person’s consent is considered cheating.

ENM partners must discuss these relationship arrangements openly to avoid heartbreak or potential issues.

Summary of ENM Relationships

• ENM stands for “Ethical Non-Monogamy”
• ENM relationships refer to partners who consensually engage in multiple romantic or sexual relationships at the same time.
• There are different types of ENM Relationships, including Polyamory and open relationships.
• People or couples explore these relationships because they need to fulfill unmet needs, explore their sexuality, or share their love.
• Rules should be in place to help ENM relationships work. This includes open communication, consent, boundaries, and limitations.

Ethical Non-Monogamy challenges traditional notions of relationships by prioritizing consent, communication, and mutual respect.

For some, this is a dealbreaker. For others, this is an opportunity they want to take up to help broader and grow their primary relationship.

Ultimately, it’s down to the person and the couple in question.

You can learn more about your and your partner's approach to relationships, love, and life by understanding your attachment style. Take our free 5-minute attachment style quiz to get your free personalized report to uncover yours.

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